End Of The Earth For You
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Sirius is struggling. Marlene finds him and tries to talk some sense into him. (Warning - Drinking, slight swearing, angst)


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise. **

**Written for; **

**Fanfiction Marathon - SiriusMarlene**

**MultiShip Challenge - SiriusMarlene (Unleash)**

**Easter Egg Hunt - Speech**

**Marauder Fan Competition - Hate**

**TV Show Quote Challenge - Pain doesn't go away. You just make room for it.**

**University Scholarship - Genre - Angst**

**Harry Potter Day - Marauder Era and Not A Bad Word Count. **

**WC Without AN - 1165. **

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**End Of The Earth For You**

Marlene stood at the door, watching sadly as Sirius reached blindly for the whiskey bottle beside him. It had taken her almost two hours to find him, and midnight was closing in on them, even as she looked at him.

"You've seen I'm still alive, you can go back to the common room now," he said quietly, startling her slightly. She'd thought he was unaware of her presence in the abandoned classroom he'd taken up residence in for the night.

Closing the door quietly, she walked over to him, perching herself on the edge of a desk in front of him.

"What are you doing, Sirius?" she asked, gently.

"Getting pleasantly smashed, if it's all the same to you," he told her, angling the bottle in her direction slightly. "Want some?"

"You know exactly what I meant," she reprimanded slightly, raising her eyebrow at him. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

He shrugged then, though the shrug was different from the elegant one she remembered. If she was honest, this Sirius was not the one she remembered at all. This Sirius was angrier, uncaring, harsh. He wasn't the fun loving, reprobate she'd long since been irritated by on a regular basis.

"S'all I'm good for," he muttered, breaking her from her thoughts. His speech was beginning to slur, and she knew she had to try and get him back to the tower, but even the thought of trying to get him to move at the moment was tiring.

"That's hippogriff shit and we both know it. We miss you, Sirius."

Her words seemed to unleash something inside him as he glared at her. "What's to miss, Marlene? This is who I am, who I truly am. I'm a waste of space, an accident. I shouldn't even exist."

She could hear the hate in his voice and she knew it was aimed at himself. It was heartbreaking for her to see him like this. "Sirius, this isn't you talking. This is your parents. You are not a waste of space, and you need to believe that. I know I'm being selfish, but we need you. I need you."

He shook his head, seeming to deflate in on himself. "No one needs me. I can't even protect..."

"Regulus has made his own choice. It isn't your fault."

"I'm his big brother. I should have saved him somehow. I could have forced him to leave with me, could have, should have, he's my baby brother, I should have, I didn't..."

Tears streamed down Sirius' face as he struggled to string together a coherent sentence, his words breaking off as the sobs overtook his body, his chest shaking as he curled in on himself. Marlene slipped from the desk, ignoring the tears on her own face as she wrapped her arms around him, holding his stiff body to her chest until he softened, wrapping his own arms around her waist as he clung to her like she was his lifeline.

Marlene rocked him softly, whispering gentle words of apology and comfort, sure that she probably wasn't making any sense but not really caring.

"I just want the pain to go away," he whimpered against her neck, and she tightened her grip on him.

"Pain doesn't go away. You just make room for it. You learn to deal with it. You live with it," she told him. She wondered if her words were harsh or tactless, but she knew she couldn't lie to him. She couldn't tell him everything was going to be okay, because she didn't know if it would.

"I'm going to have to face my baby brother on the battlefield, Marlene. I don't know if I can do that."

"You don't know that -"

He cut her off. "I do know that. Regulus is due to get the mark as soon as he leaves school. He'll be out, fighting with them, and I'll be out, fighting against them. It's inevitable."

Marlene knew she couldn't tell him he was wrong. "Sirius, we all have choices. Regulus is making the wrong one, but it is his choice to make. You can't force him to change sides, just as your parent's couldn't force you to stay, no matter how hard they tried. It isn't your fault," she reiterated.

"I begged him to come with me, you know," Sirius told her after a few minutes. He pulled back so he could look at her, and she was glad to see he'd calmed down a little. The whiskey bottle still sat beside him, though he made no move to drink any more. "The night I left my parent's house. I begged him. He didn't say anything. Just stared at me as though I wasn't there."

"You're strong, Sirius. Stronger than most. You had the courage to defy your family, to follow what you know is the right thing to do. Maybe Regulus just doesn't have that strength."

"He's my little brother. I should have at least tried harder to protect him."

"You did your best and that's all we can ever do. I know you protected him by taking the blame for things at home. Don't forget, I've seen the scars that prove it," she told him quietly, brushing her hand lightly against his arm where she knew a small scar remained from one of Walburga's obedience lessons.

Sirius captured her hand in his own, raising it to his lips to kiss it softly. "I love you," he murmured, pulling her closer so she sat between his legs on the floor. She settled into his embrace, relishing in the warmth it gave her, both inside and out.

"Merlin, Marlene, you're freezing," he yelped, when she slid her hand around his back under his t-shirt. She leant back slightly to look at him.

"You realise it's midnight, in February, and I've only got a t-shirt on. Work it out, genius," she muttered, smiling inwardly when he chuckled.

"Thank you," he said against he lips, kissing her chastely before standing, pulling her with him. "Thank you for coming to find me."

She leant into the arm he wrapped around her as they left the classroom. "I'd go to the end of the earth to find you, Black. I'll just remember my cloak next time."

His muffled chuckle was music to her ears. She knew he wasn't fixed, but he was better. If she had to do this every night for the rest of her lives, it would be worth it to see the twinkle back in his eyes.

As they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Marlene turned her head to kiss his neck. "I love you, too."


End file.
